Yesterday I went out for dinner with my boss and some coworkers. They all talk about their life andtheir views of it. I stayed completely silent looking intently at the people that were talking. I realize as i sat there that I really don't belong anywhere. That the combination of choices and views that make up who i am don't mesh with people. But what is worse is that I started to get this feeling of disgust towards people. Some how they all seem fake; all they are are masks.
I hate that I see people like that. I'm used to seeing the beauty of things but there is no beauty to be found in people that are fake. I think as people grow older or as the world is getting older fakeness is the norm. When was the last time you really knew someone, I mean for real. Or when was the last time someone else really knew you? I have to say I don't know very many people. I just know their masks. I always wondered if they took them off would there be someone behind it or would it just be empty space.
I can't say that I know who I am mostly when I think of myself I see an abstract painting that is constanly moving. It is just a confusing image. I always seem to confuse myself. But at least i'm trying to see past the blur. People don't try to see themselves anymore they just create the mask and that becomes them. I don't know why that offends me but it does. People just follow the stereotypes and conform to their box. Such an empty existence but I guess it is happy one.
I have been told that I think too much and I suppose I do but it is what my mind does. It thinks about life and the such. I should have been a philosopher but alas that field is also overtaken by the thoughtless who would rather study the biology of the mind than actually try to understand life. It is a sad day when all the mystic qualities of life are reduced to biology and machines. We are nothing but machines, what crap. We are nothing more than a wave at its peak about to descend into the ocean of nothingness.
Enough ramblings for today...
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